At a recent staff meeting, my boss presented me with a plaque. The plaque conveys appreciation for 20 years of "dedicated service." There was also something engraved about "commitment, compassion, and leadership." The staff gave me a round of applause and I took an embarrasingly lengthy bow. And in my 30-minute appreciation speech, I pointed out that there were only two faces present at that meeting who had been there before I arrived in 1991. I informed the rest of the staff I thought of them as rookies, always rookies in my book.
Don't get me wrong: I did appreciate it. I do appreciate it. Even though the plaque etcher made a typographical error, I still hung it on my office wall near the scorecard that recorded my second hole-in-one. It was at Mistwood's White Number Two hole about four years ago. Eight iron, 140 yards. Trickled in at the last moment. My opponents had to pay me 50 cents each.
Anyway, boss, thanks.
Speaking of typos, I worked at a golf course about 20 years ago which opened an attached restaurant. The owner hired a sign-maker to advertise the place, to give it character and pizzazz. The sign maker charged hundreds and must have toiled away for dozens of hours. And at the unveiling, he presented an enormous and beautifully carved cedar sign. There it was, prominently affixed to the main exterior wall, for all of Benzie County to behold: "DINNING". The owner could not have been more pleased and took the wood carver inside and bought him a beer.
The plaque from work was almost the first plaque I ever received. I got my first in 2003 when I was on the foursome that took first place at the Leelanau Children's Center fundraiser. That plaque is also in my office juxtaposed ever so nicely to the scorecard that recorded my second hole-in-one. Just thought I would mention that again.
So really, just two plaques, not counting the plaque I had when I was about 27. I had not been to a dentist in eight years, and even though I brushed twice a day, the build-up of plaque on my teeth was just spectacular. It took three hour-long appointments with a muscular dentist and his jackhammer to chisel through the petrified crap and unearth my teeth. He was a paleontologist digging for bones. Never mind that I needed a few units of O-positive for all the blood that gushed from my gums, I soon got back to decent dental health. There should be a plaque in that dentist's office to commemorate his bravery in the face of my plaque disease. It was a bubonic plaque.
It's very nice that my boss thought to honor my so-called compassion and leadership the way he did. I realize his secretary was behind it all -- everyone gets a plaque for staying put. Turn a calendar page and somebody gets to throw some hardware on their wall. I didn't expect the cool hundred dollar bonus though. I really needed it to fill my gas tank.
If the Brutal Truth were really known by those lofty plaque writers. they could have etched far different commemorations, to wit:
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for wearing a clean shirt every day for 20 years. Sometimes the pants were stained and looked like they just weeded the garden, buy hey, the shirts were terrific!
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for 20 years of repeating the same old social work jargon to the point that you can recite this moronic stuff to clients while simultaneously stressing about that blown putt on the 17th hole last Tuesday. Amazing accomplishment!
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for 20 years of showing up. For this money, how many people would actually show up for 1,040 weeks minus vacation? Zero. Thanks!
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for finally removing that phallic cactus and spread-eagled Barbie from your window sill. Sad that staff no longer linger at your office door. By the way, where did you put those items?
To Thomas Bohnhorst: You have been tolerated for 20 years. We know what you do. Let's just leave it at that.
Comments are welcome at tombohn2@yahoo.com
Don't get me wrong: I did appreciate it. I do appreciate it. Even though the plaque etcher made a typographical error, I still hung it on my office wall near the scorecard that recorded my second hole-in-one. It was at Mistwood's White Number Two hole about four years ago. Eight iron, 140 yards. Trickled in at the last moment. My opponents had to pay me 50 cents each.
Anyway, boss, thanks.
Speaking of typos, I worked at a golf course about 20 years ago which opened an attached restaurant. The owner hired a sign-maker to advertise the place, to give it character and pizzazz. The sign maker charged hundreds and must have toiled away for dozens of hours. And at the unveiling, he presented an enormous and beautifully carved cedar sign. There it was, prominently affixed to the main exterior wall, for all of Benzie County to behold: "DINNING". The owner could not have been more pleased and took the wood carver inside and bought him a beer.
The plaque from work was almost the first plaque I ever received. I got my first in 2003 when I was on the foursome that took first place at the Leelanau Children's Center fundraiser. That plaque is also in my office juxtaposed ever so nicely to the scorecard that recorded my second hole-in-one. Just thought I would mention that again.
So really, just two plaques, not counting the plaque I had when I was about 27. I had not been to a dentist in eight years, and even though I brushed twice a day, the build-up of plaque on my teeth was just spectacular. It took three hour-long appointments with a muscular dentist and his jackhammer to chisel through the petrified crap and unearth my teeth. He was a paleontologist digging for bones. Never mind that I needed a few units of O-positive for all the blood that gushed from my gums, I soon got back to decent dental health. There should be a plaque in that dentist's office to commemorate his bravery in the face of my plaque disease. It was a bubonic plaque.
It's very nice that my boss thought to honor my so-called compassion and leadership the way he did. I realize his secretary was behind it all -- everyone gets a plaque for staying put. Turn a calendar page and somebody gets to throw some hardware on their wall. I didn't expect the cool hundred dollar bonus though. I really needed it to fill my gas tank.
If the Brutal Truth were really known by those lofty plaque writers. they could have etched far different commemorations, to wit:
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for wearing a clean shirt every day for 20 years. Sometimes the pants were stained and looked like they just weeded the garden, buy hey, the shirts were terrific!
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for 20 years of repeating the same old social work jargon to the point that you can recite this moronic stuff to clients while simultaneously stressing about that blown putt on the 17th hole last Tuesday. Amazing accomplishment!
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for 20 years of showing up. For this money, how many people would actually show up for 1,040 weeks minus vacation? Zero. Thanks!
To Thomas Bohnhorst: In appreciation for finally removing that phallic cactus and spread-eagled Barbie from your window sill. Sad that staff no longer linger at your office door. By the way, where did you put those items?
To Thomas Bohnhorst: You have been tolerated for 20 years. We know what you do. Let's just leave it at that.
Comments are welcome at tombohn2@yahoo.com
